Breaking Free From The Comparison Trap: Ways To Feel Genuinely Happy With Yourself
If you've ever felt like you're not good enough, not pretty enough, or not skinny enough...you're not alone. We've all been there. We compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking. But what if I told you that there was a way to break free from the comparison trap? To be genuinely happy with who you are, just as you are? In our February book club, we read and discussed a fantastic book by Melissa Ambrosini called Comparisonitis. This book highlighted my own struggle with comparing myself to others and how it mentally affects me every day. Here are a few key takeaways for me:
Linking your self-worth to things outside of yourself — This is such a common issue that we all face. We link our self-worth to the number on the scale, how much weight we’ve lost or how much we can eat compared to others on the same bariatric journey, the size of our bank account, or the house we live in, how many followers we have on our social media account ... the list goes on and on. And when those things don't meet our expectations, we beat ourselves up and feel like a total failure. In some cases, we give ourselves permission to give up based on these comparisons. But the truth is, our self-worth is not contingent on those things. Our worth is inherent and cannot be taken away by anyone or anything. When I can remember that, it takes the power away from the things, I'm comparing myself to and puts it back where it belongs—with me.
Toxic Self-Talk — We would never speak to a friend in the same way we speak to ourselves. Why do we think it's okay to say such horrible things to ourselves? It's not okay and it needs to stop. I'm actively trying to catch myself - or rather my inner critic, Bitching Betty - whenever I have a negative thought about who I am and then turn it into something more positive, recognize my own greatness. We are powerful and capable human beings with unique perspectives, talents, and gifts - all of which should be celebrated! I’m still a work in progress but I'm seeing an improvement day by day.
There is more to me than my body — I am a whole human being who appreciates my imperfect body. This was a big one for me. For so long, we have placed so much value on our physical appearance, but there is so much more to us than that! I am kind, caring, super creative, smart ... the list goes on and on. And just because your body doesn't look like someone else's doesn't mean you’re any less valuable as a person.
Feel your feelings, even the yucky ones — As children we’re told to swallow the tears, big girls don’t cry, remember! We’ve learned to push down negative emotions and not show them or simply because we didn't want to feel them. The ostrich effect. But guess what? Those feelings don't go away just because we ignore them or swallow the tears. They fester and grow until they explode out of us in ways we never intended. Now when something bothers me, I allow myself to feel those emotions fully, talk about them and if needed seek help from a mental health professional. Release those emotions instead of holding onto them until they turn into resentment or anger.
My biggest revelation and the one thing I am not quite ready to give up is social media — Social media is such a big part of our lives these days, but it can also be a breeding ground for comparisonitis . We compare ourselves to the filtered lives we see online and find ourselves lacking. But here's the thing: those filtered lives are not reality. They are an edited version of reality that people share online. And while it's important to be aware of that, it's also important to remember that everyone has their own struggles, even if they don't share them online. So next time you're scrolling through social media and find yourself feeling down about your life, remember that everyone has their own stuff going on behind the scenes.
If you're struggling with comparisonitis, know that you're not alone. We all struggle with it at times. The important thing is to catch yourself when you're doing it, challenge your negative thoughts, and focus on appreciating yourself for who you are. You are worthy, you are valuable, and you are loved. Just as you are.