Fear of the Feast
By: Dana Rutherford
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”
We hear that phrase over and over during the final months of the year. Most reading this are probably singing it in their head while scanning the lyrics to one of the most popular holiday songs to ever be created. Although the holiday season is full of wonderful memories and events, it can also be a very hard time for many. Thanksgiving, in particular, has its set of challenges for those with food-related issues, have been through bariatric surgery, and/or are in a weight-loss season of life.
When you examine your own situation, is it the most wonderful time of the year or the fear of the feast?
There are numerous reasons why fear and Thanksgiving can go hand-in-hand. For starters, many holiday gatherings, especially Thanksgiving, yield large quantities of the most delectable, mouthwatering spreads of highly caloric foods. Even the vegetables are usually drowned in butter, cream of something, or bacon. I can actually smell the food as I sit and simply type about it. It’s comfort and nostalgia. We all have a story associated with these foods, so it’s easy to overindulge.
I am a huge advocate for balance. You never want to eat past the point of harming yourself or feeling sick, especially if you have had bariatric surgery, but if you choose to go a little crazier at holiday events, give yourself the grace to do so without beating yourself up! Of course, if you are going to endless events and eating huge amounts of calories every single time, then that isn’t ideal. If you are advised by a dietician or doctor to avoid certain foods, then please listen to medical advice; however, there must come a point where your nutritional intake is more of a sustainable lifestyle than a restrictive diet.
The point is that food should not be associated with guilt and shame, and if it is, then the mental side of weight loss and this season of life should be looked deeper into. Somewhere down the line, a thought turned into a conviction that food equals remorse, humiliation, and other negative emotional states. That thought must be revisited and worked through. When done correctly, food is necessary to give our body the vital nutrients needed to survive and holistic “medicine” to our physical and mental health. Having balance in life allows for us to taste and enjoy the foods periodically that may not be as beneficial to our systems without the guilt that many associate with binge eating or overindulgence. It allows us to maintain a sustainable lifestyle much easier because the feeling you get from being healthy usually is desired after a night of eating the wrong foods in a motivating way, not a judgmental one.
Fear of the feast can also bring up a fear of “going back.” If you have recently lost weight, the compliments and admiration that are often given to people who do so can be bittersweet. Of course, it feels amazing at the moment to hear it, and it’s very well deserved for the hard work put in! The downside that often comes from that is this fear that people will now disapprove if you ever gain weight. It’s absolutely normal to fluctuate a few pounds when you factor in hormones, water retention, and other elements. If it becomes more than a few pounds, then it needs to be reassessed because you deserve to be healthy, but that fear that many have is more of a punishing mindset than a positive incentive. Fear says, “you are not valuable unless you weigh less,” which is a lie. An encouraging and constructive mindset says, “you are worth living a life of health and happiness.” That is the difference.
Another fear that many have involving holiday gatherings is seeing family and loved ones who may not be as encouraging or trigger something toxic within you. Whether it is the constant disapproving comments since childhood from a parent that led to binge eating in the dark where nobody could see, that uncle that called you hurtful names and mocked you, or that friend that is jealous of your success and secretly hopes for you to fail, the people that are supposed to be the closest to us can sometimes harm us more than anyone else on the planet. It’s important to create healthy boundaries that establish what is acceptable and unacceptable in your life, and that can mean the actions of people as well. Just because someone shares a last name with you or the same family tree does not give them the right to harm your mental health or peace. If it’s toxic to your success and health, it’s poison to your life. It may sound harsh, but you must examine if certain relationships are better at a distance or can be worked through if spoken up about. Sometimes, it’s a matter of that person not knowing they are hurting you and simply changing the behavior, but other times, that person will refuse to change, and it’s up to you what you allow. We teach others how they can treat us and what they can get away with, good or bad, in this very way.
The holidays do not have to be associated with fear one more year of your life! If you change your mindset, you can relish in the magic of the season and enjoy the memories made all while living in the healthiest place possible, physically and mentally.
